I’m not sure there’s anything that evokes a more discordant set of emotions in me than an optimistic cancer fighter. I feel fear, frustration, hope, joy, confusion, anger…
When I was a teen I watched my mom battle cancer to a draw. Only in my late 30s did the repressed memories start returning. I got to remember her voice again, but I also got to remember the rest. And now my only plan is to just not get cancer, because it’s all far too much to even think about.
I don’t pity Craig, I envy him. I’m jealous, even. Because he’s discovered or was always imbued with the power to fight an unfair battle on his terms. If it’s ever my turn I hope I can be like him.
My mom fought like this and died slowly. Dad didn't and died fast. I admire Mr. Hockenberry's courage and my mom's, because I'm pretty sure I don't have it. It's easier for me to face death than that injection into the spine. I guess I take after dad. I plan to rage against the dying of the light, and then fold.
If you can make that joke about your spinal tap going to eleven, you are a tough motherfucker.
Best of luck to Craig. If you don't know who he is, he's the reason we call(ed) Twitter posts 'tweets' [1] and also wrote perhaps the first pre-SDK iPhone app from the outside [2].
Ah, I feel a kinship.. in 2007 I got an iPhone, followed the guide to install the homebrew SDK on Linux, and managed to get it to work to create iPhone apps. At first they'd run on jailbroken phones (there was a command to "sign" them), later I installed a Hackintosh and XCode and even got the Apple Dev program subscription and sold one app on their store.
The mundanity of the last paragraph made me smile. That desire to just go back to normal -walking, debugging, comfort- after moments like that is incredibly under-rated.
Methotrexate is such a gnarly drug, my partner was on it for rheumatoid arthritis for a little bit, but the side effects were too awful for her to continue it. Luckily there was alternatives. Didn't know it was used in chemo!
When I was a teen I watched my mom battle cancer to a draw. Only in my late 30s did the repressed memories start returning. I got to remember her voice again, but I also got to remember the rest. And now my only plan is to just not get cancer, because it’s all far too much to even think about.
I don’t pity Craig, I envy him. I’m jealous, even. Because he’s discovered or was always imbued with the power to fight an unfair battle on his terms. If it’s ever my turn I hope I can be like him.
If you can make that joke about your spinal tap going to eleven, you are a tough motherfucker.
[1] https://furbo.org/2013/06/28/the-origin-of-tweet/
[2] https://furbo.org/2007/08/19/mobiletwitterrific/
Psoriasis, eczema and psoriatic arthritis being three that maybe you wouldn't think of when someone brings up methotrexate.